Dear Diary,
It’s been nearly a year since my last entry.
My two are four and a half and two and a half now. They’re funny, have their own personalities and a very strong will. They bring me joy and still reduce me to tears too. These years are hard. A toddler and a small person, both of whom, often like not to listen, like acts of violence and love to shout POO POO and WEE WEE at the tops of their lungs. I figure I’ve done a fantastic job that they’ve not learned the words shit or fuck by this age.
My job life has been good too. Over a year of being in my role, enjoying it, travelling a little for work too although I’m mostly working from home.
But there has been some turbulence too. This part of my life began in September. A chest infection. Ongoing, asthma flared up but chest infection not subsiding. Coughing, so much coughing. So I returned to my doctors, weekly, fortnightly. Asked for a chest x Ray in October. An infection I was told. More anti biotics. In November now doubled over with pleural pain too from coughing for over two months. More anti biotics. I asked for a ct scan of my chest. I asked to be referred to a hospital team. They relented, finally sending through a scan request (three weeks after my request!) and at the of November I went for that scan.
Before the results had time to make their way back to my GP I ended up in hospital in the first week of December. The pain to breathe in and out, was like being stabbed in my back. In A&E they triaged and admitted me. First with suspected sepsis (I had a temperature too) and then began running tests. So many tests. Next they thought I had TB. I was sent for a chest x Ray. Upon my return post x Ray they had also retrieved my ct scan images from the week before. The A&E doctor told me, we have your images and you have cavitating pneumonia. I have what?! It appears in October my chest x Ray showed pneumonia. Which my gp didn’t tell me. Left untreated (or treated with the wrong antibiotics) I had developed a rare and serious complication of that. A form of pneumonia that was basically eating away my healthy tissue (necrotising pneumonia it’s also called) and has created a hole in my lung and an abscess. I was admitted to hospital, into a respiratory ward from there. Via IV infusions they gave me 5 different antibiotics, 12 seperate infusions a day. Starting at 5.30am and continuing to 2am due to the hours they needed to be spaced out. Tests, a broncoscopy, more tests, no sleep. A hellish week in hospital but also a hellish three months leading up to that point.
And now? Let’s fast forward two more months. My pneumonia is still there, not as bad, but I’m still taking antibiotics. My repeat CT scan at the of Jan was to shine a light on how well I must now be. But it did not. It showed the dark mass in my lung had not shrunk. It was still there. My consultant advised we would do two procedures to understand more about what was happening inside. He referred me for a PET CT scan and a CT guided needle lung biopsy. I had both of those procedures last week. My consultant is a lung cancer specialist. I’m a non smoker. A non vaper. Have never smoked drugs. The only inhaling I’ve done in my lifetime is too much perfume in duty free at the airport. And I’m currently undertaking tests to find out if I have lung cancer. I predict results in another week or so. I’ve cried at what feels like a huge injustice. I’ve cried thinking of my two girls, how much time will be stripped away from them?
I’m not a religious person but I’ve prayed. Please God, please let me have more time with them. Please please let these results be benign.
11:56 a.m. - Thursday, Feb. 15, 2024
Recent entries:
Lung cancer - Wednesday, Mar. 06, 2024
2023 summary - Thursday, Feb. 15, 2024
2023 update - Friday, Feb. 17, 2023
Birthday season - Friday, Jul. 15, 2022
Hello 2022 - Saturday, Feb. 05, 2022
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
amb1valent-k
aurorafaerie
buffylass
sad-faerie
teena79
rainy-daze-
strawberrri
clarity25