No matter how hard I had thought about what the results might be, I was shook to my core to find out the stage of cancer that I had. In my head, the worst case scenario was that I would have cancer, but stage 1 or 2.
What I have in fact is a substantial tumour that fills the entire lower lobe of my right lung (approx 40%) of my lung. And since then a repeat scan more recently showed my lymph nodes too indicated the cancer had spread to them.
I haven’t asked the exact staging of where the cancer currently is but it’s still contained to one lung only.
I’ve had two rounds of chemo so far. I have two different chemo drugs and I’m also have immunotherapy. Round 3 is on Friday, and this should be my final round. The plan is then around the end of May I have surgery. This will remove 1 (maybe 2) lobes of my lung. Depending how much the tumour has shrunk, hopefully just one, plus my lymph nodes will be removed.
Due to the size of my tumour, I’m classed on a borderline curative path. It really depends how well the tumour responds to the chemo.
It’s been nearly two months since I got the news. The very next day at 9.30am nursery phoned as the littlest one had vomited at nursery. So she was picked up and was home with me. She was probably the distraction I needed. No time to sit around crying. I had a two year old to look after.
Since then my coping mechanism has been to ignore the cancer diagnosis, that’s locked behind a door in my mind. Maybe I’m in denial but I just don’t think about that part. Instead it’s looking forwards. Focusing on treatment, the next chemo day, the recovery from each cycle and then repeat.
At the beginning it felt so strange that the world carried on when I felt so crushed. But actually that’s what’s kept me going. The daily battle to get uniform on and hair done for my four year old. The friends that have treated me the same (as plenty just don’t know what to say other than how are you).
I appreciate the real talk, I don’t need cotton wool. It’s fucking shit. It’s unfair. And cancer is an arsehole. I’m sick of hearing that I’m brave and strong. I’m fighting a battle that I never wanted in the first place.
But my two little girls will get me through this. One more round of chemo. One major lung surgery. Recovery time and I’m hoping by autumn I can happily shout as loud as I can that I’m cancer free.
11:20 a.m. - Tuesday, Apr. 30, 2024
Recent entries:
Two rounds of chemo in - Tuesday, Apr. 30, 2024
Lung cancer - Wednesday, Mar. 06, 2024
2023 summary - Thursday, Feb. 15, 2024
2023 update - Friday, Feb. 17, 2023
Birthday season - Friday, Jul. 15, 2022
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
buffylass
clarity25
amb1valent-k
teena79
strawberrri