The days are long but the months are quick. November is here. The good stuff - I made it to 42. Sean booked the day off last week on my birthday and I booked us a morning at a local pottery painting cafe. We are cake, drank coffee and painted Christmas decorations. One of the happiest days I’ve had in a long time.

The day prior to my birthday was spent in A&E - 9 hours! I’ve been really breathless for 3/4 weeks and basically it was a suspected blood clot on my lung. By the end of those & hours a ct can showed no blood clot but lots of infection like patches across my lungs. Best case chest infection, worst case more progression of my lung cancer. Big sigh. I had IV antibiotics and tablets to take home. My blood showed my neutrophils were low, with white blood count so low last weeks chemo was cancelled but took place yesterday instead.

Things I’ve been doing to pass these days. Recording videos on my laptop for the girls. Telling them about places I’ve travelled, advice for life, memories I have of them. And day to day trying hard to find a method yo remember all the mum things as my brain is a foggy mess from chemo and pain killers. Cognitively I can barely put thoughts together never mind remembering the 30 things in a week for the kids. In the last week alone I forgot two important things:
1. On Tuesday it was odd sock day. I’ve no idea what the cause was that school was championing. But I do know as I dropped the two of them off in grey socks, the look of horror on my oldest daughter’s face as she saw all the kids arriving in brightly coloured socks. Thankfully the door opened and I ushered them in, not wanting to hang around for her meltdown.
2. Talking of meltdowns, last Thursday my husband FaceTimed me from the car, he had just picked the kids up after school. I can hear screaming and crying. My oldest daughter, very distraught. What’s the matter sweetheart, I start to ask, worried she’s failed, scraped her knees or undergone some injury at school. YOU DIDNT GIVE ME MONEY TO BUY POPPIES!!! She wailed, through tears. Money for poppies? My mind started trying to sift through schools emails, texts, paper letters. I couldn’t remember we had to send money? Through sobs I heard that Y6 pupils had come round selling as assortment of exciting poppy covered merch, slap bands, keyrings, badges. No more paper poppies I guess in 2024. I explained that I’d forgot (and I’m pretty sure school had vaguely said things would be on sale without sharing an actual bloody date) and I’d send money tomorrow. And I did. £2 and she came home with a poppy keying for her sister and a slap and and for her.
3. I’m feeling smug that I remembered it was non uniform day today and have put £1 in each of their bags for children in need.

10:10 a.m. - Friday, Nov. 15, 2024